On Friday, I felt like a total failure.

A friend invited us to the park, and I thought, “Yes, we need this.”

I’ve been having a lot of guilt over not being outside enough with my son (it’s been hard to do that for a number of reasons).

The story in my head was: This is your chance to redeem yourself and be a better mom.

That narrative inside my head is exactly why the following events were such a blow to my confidence and self-worth:

My son was so excited, asking me all day when we’d leave.

But when it came time to load up, nothing went right.

I couldn’t figure out the new car seat, and my baby was crying uncontrollably.

I was fumbling, hot with stress and rage at the car seat (but really at myself), which I messed up even more.

We were already running so late.

My son was full of hope, innocently waiting, while I sweaty-frantically kept trying…

In the end, I had to admit defeat. His face crumpled, and he wailed as I pulled him from the car and back into the house.

I lost it.
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I put on a TV show for him (which added to my mom guilt), retreated to another room, and sobbed.

It wasn’t just about the park.

It was the weight of trying to hold it all together, of wanting to give my kids experiences, and feeling like I couldn’t even manage the basics.

But here’s what went right:

• I sent my best friend a message on Marco Polo, ugly crying, feeling like a failure, and she listened. She didn’t judge, didn’t offer solutions, she just empathized, and that meant the world.
• The friend who’d invited us to the park went way out of her way to drive over and give me a hug! And in this season of loneliness, that meant more than I can express.
• Yesterday, I gave it another go. We made it to the park and discovered the most amazing new playground.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows — there was a lot of stress.

My baby screamed in the car, two different wasps really seemed out to get me, and we got stuck in a car rider line on the way home, with more car screaming.

(All the while being asked for snacks, ‘cause toddlers).

But it was worth it. And I was proud.

We’re SO hard on ourselves as parents.

We’re always measuring ourselves against some impossible standard of “doing it all.”

And because we care SO much, those moments where we feel stuck, overwhelmed, and defeated can hit so hard.

What’s essential is that we have someone we can reach out to — a friend who will show up when we need them most, either virtually or in person.

My invitation for you:

If you’re feeling the weight right now, I want to encourage you to reach out to a friend for support and be brave enough to be vulnerable.

Or, maybe you can be that friend for someone this week.

(Marco Polo is the most amazing app for this!! — not sponsored, just love).

You’re doing a good job — even on the days when it feels like you’re not.

Love,

Mia

P.S. I know I didn’t talk about play today. But an essential part of being playful is feeling supported and less alone as a parent. It’s all related!

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